Okay, so here I am.
Some relationship drama but I don't really want to delve into it.
My reason for coming back here is just to process and sift through some thoughts. I shouldn't even write so open, so vulnerably. There is of late a lot of questions brimming in my mind.
How do you know?
This is really the question that I've racked up in my brain. Yes, I am on a relationship break.
I've had time to go out and enjoy my life. Night life, with covid restrictions easing etc. I saw a few edm shows here and there, went to SJS (essentially 2000s R&B, always a blast), ran my half marathon within 1 minute of my PR (I still got it!). But what this all boils down to is, do I have a sense of self?
Did I become too co-dependent in my relationship and lose a part of myself because of my innateness to be a people-pleaser? I know I show up authentically as me in a relationship. But do I become impeded because I enjoy the company/doing what my partner is doing?
I am fully on a no-contact with him for the remainder of June 2022.
I need to figure out what I want too. Maybe we have really grown apart and to me that's surprisingly okay too.
Love does not seek to contain/control, it seeks to allow growth of the other person as you want them to flourish as much as you yourself should.
Late resolutions but current goals for myself are:
- Become more financially independent.
- Do not lose myself in what people want of me
- Learn to say NO
Mindfullness matters too. I've been loving reading Yung Pueblo, the way he writes leans more towards self-reflection and inner growth. I never thought I'd be at this point again but I know this is where I need to be now.
Songs of the moment:
Amanda
x.
